how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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