well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
