I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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