3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
