why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
