I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
