shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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