Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
