Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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