Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
