you guys were way drunker than both of me
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
