M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
