If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
