life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
