I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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