I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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