I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
