He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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