no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
