I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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