I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
