Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
