I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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