took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
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