3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
