i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
