I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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