i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
