I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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