i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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