New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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