I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I checked into jail on foursquare
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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