Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
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