You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
