Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
