i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize