My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
This show inspires me to have sex in space
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize