Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
