How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Of course I have a pirate flag
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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