a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
