Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
