you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize