Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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