Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
