Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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