I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
