Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
