a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
