I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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