im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I could fuck to npr.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
