Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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