Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
