hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
