if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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