Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize