The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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