So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
