Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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