Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
