The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
