Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
