He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
