I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
