p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize