Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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