were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
