that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
