i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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