Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Randomize
