guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
