We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
