i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
