I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
