dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
