I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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