You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
