I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
