dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize