Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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