did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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