I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
