Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
