4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
