I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Randomize
