so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
