it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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