I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
