I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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