he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
