my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize