I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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