and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
