Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
MIDGETS
????
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
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