I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
