im so drunk with asians
where?
always
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
