Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
