It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
