Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
